In my job I meet a lot of people so I often get asked about my weirdest dog and human experiences. One of my favorites involved a truck driver and his "dominant" pee-pot dachshund.
Sitting outside of obedience class one day a slender, rugged-looking man walked up to me with tight wranglers and an uncomfortable strut to say, without introduction: "This damn dog won't stop pissing in my house." I looked down at the black and tan dog busy wiggling around on the end of his leash looking everywhere but at us. Attached to his hind end: two enormous testicles.
I asked the man about the dog's behavior to decipher whether or not it was a marking issue or a myriad of other potential problems, but instead of answering me, the man started off on a tirade that could have only been brought on by a six pack of Coors, inbred parents, and watching way too much Dog Whisperer.
"I'll tell you what the problem is here. This damn dog is trying to dominate me! He's pissing all over my walls and couches. When I spank him, he don't care. He just growls and threatens to bite me. But I don't take that shit. No, no... he growls, I take him down! He pisses, I just piss right over the top of his urine. He thinks he's gonna claim my wall, he gotta 'nother thing comin'! That's MY wall and I'm not afraid to top his scent!"
In all my days as a dog trainer, I've heard some pretty creative attempts at potty training and addressing marking, but peeing on your own walls to top your dog's scent? This one takes the cake.
Trying to remain calm while restraining from reaching out, shaking the man, and screaming WHAT THE F*** IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!? I calmly replied with: And how are those methods working for you?
"Well, apparently the dog doesn't know the rules to his own damn kingdom because he just keeps peeing on the same spots."
And this is why everyone should be subject to a psychological evaluation before being allowed to adopt a dog.
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