If you cannot be silly with your dog, then who?

Debbie has a dog named Joe that will follow her every command as long as she has a treat in hand. But Joe is no fool and consistently calls Debbie's bluff whenever she asks him to comply without the bribe. "The problem is bigger than obedience," she explains. "He knows how to do everything, he just isn't interested in me. Making me happy is last on his list of priorities."
How many people can honestly say that their dog, the one species on earth said to be endlessly loyal to humans, does not like them? Ouch! This is a problem.

I've spent a lot of time observing Debbie and Joe's behavior in class, and I can confidently say that Debbie seems like a generally pleasant person to live with. Reserved and calm in demeanor and gait, she does not appear to be a shouter, rough houser, or prone to any kind of major meltdowns - something I am usually pretty good at detecting in people, no matter how hard they try to mask it. If you need to hit pillows and count to 10 more often, I am the kind of trainer who will call you out on it. Not Debbie though; she is consistent, patient, and clearly a woman who means business. Nothing wrong with her training style at all - except for the minor inconvenience of her dog "not liking her."

I watch Joe perform some basic obedience techniques, and he runs through the process like a pro with his eye on the treat. He views training as a show, and he is an actor who memorizes and performs his lines. He is clear about one thing up front: He does not work for free, especially when he has reenacted this show a million times and is bored to death with it.

I have my suspicions as to what has gone awry here, but to make sure, I ask a few more questions. How do you react when Joe enters the room at home? "I usually call him over to me," she explains in an exasperated tone. "I want to cuddle with him, but he wants nothing to do with me. He just looks at me and walks out of the room."
Do you ever give Joe treats for doing nothing other than just being with you? Debbie's mouth goes slack as she gasps, "just give him treats for free? He is already spoiled enough, don't you think? He won't even look at me unless I have food!"
And what about play time? What do you do to interact with him just for fun? Debbie grins as though she's got me on this one. "I walk him twice a day on a leash out to the woods. Once we're there, he is allowed to run free and explore with our other dog."
That is a wonderful gift, but what activities do you do with Joe that actually involve you playing with him? "The woods doesn't count?"

What I conclude from these few short replies and their behavior in class is that Debbie has been so diligent about teaching Joe his manners, that Joe seems to view every direct interaction with Debbie as some obedience ploy, at the end of which, he earns a reward. If the reward is something Joe is not interested in or cannot detect, he chooses not to play the game. Joe can't even walk into the room without Debbie asking him to come. Sure, there may be some good cuddle time waiting on the other end of that request, but Joe lives in the now, and her call to "come" just sounds like another order. Joe must want something first, then be asked to earn it.

At the core of Debbie's frustration there seems to be a lack of relationship. Joe certainly doesn't hurt for the good things in life, but most of what he enjoys is entirely separate from Debbie. Even his play time in the woods, as wonderful as it is, has nothing to do with Debbie; she is simply the means by which Joe must use to get there. She is a hurdle to get past in order to reach the fun part, but at no time during the fun part is Debbie actually part of the fun.

The tricky part about this situation is that Debbie has done nothing wrong. In fact, I did not suggest that she change a single thing about her training style, since Joe had clearly mastered all of his obedience cues. Instead I recommended that she add something.

Unlike the majority of cases that I see, Debbie has had no problem slipping into the authoritative role with her extremely cute and tiny pooch. It is instead with the role of friend and companion that she is struggling. With most dogs this is a battle that we do not face, as most dogs are happy just to hear their name, and most people are not quite as diligent as Debbie. But these two have certainly been paired for good reason. Like people, dogs are individuals; and if you are going to be Joe's friend, you are going to have to learn to drop the demands for a little while and just be a dog. This meant that Debbie was going need to lighten up.

So it was with this in mind that I recommended, despite her perfect posture and pristine clothes, that Debbie learn to play bow and roll around like a dog. He'll probably look at her funny the first few times (dogs know an unusual behavior when they see one), but this confusion will quickly turn into an opportunity for Joe to play along with Debbie as her friend; rather than perform for her as a servant. There are a few rules to this play time: 1) No one else is allowed to partake - not even the other dog. 2) She is to use a toy that only she and Joe play with alone and it needs to be a favorite of his. 3) When play ends, the toy gets put away.

I also recommended that Debbie focus more on using Joe's life rewards when working on obedience, such as insisting on a good sit stay before Joe gets to go outside on his walk. Incorporating his obedience into normal daily activities will transition Joe away from the "dog & pony show" that he is performing now, and teach him to apply his lessons for more practical use. She should also make sure that everyone else in the home is playing by these rules so he doesn't get mixed signals.

Slightly apprehensive, Debbie smiles and agrees that I might have a point. She even agrees to try the rolling on the ground, even though she is not fond of the idea of looking so silly. I urge her to give it a go when no one is home, so the pressures of human onlookers does not affect her ability to have a good time. After all, no one is as trustworthy, loyal, and appreciative of a secret as a dog. Sometimes a silly secret is all it takes to form a great friendship.